Tranquil Only in Death
by Bonbon13
Summary: Torn from her family, Marian Hawke is forced into the Cirlce of Magi. But when she is able to escape and reunites with her family, she is thrown into a whole new world of turmoil. Will she be able to go with the turns that life and love take her, or will it be the thing that finally breaks her?
1. Chapter 1-The End, The Beginning

_(Okey dokey, one of my first stories. I have an idea where the story will go, but for the most part I go where the story takes me! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!)_

Ah, Lothering.

It was a nice little village set right in the middle of Fereldon. Just far enough away from the city to retain its independence and country feel but close enough that the village's inhabitants weren't living in poverty. It was set down in a small valley surrounded by hills and trees, and in the autumn it looked just like something out of a painting.

Marian Hawke had wandered into town to buy a few special things for her family. Marian, her mother Leandra, her sister Bethany, and her brother Carver lived in a small house hidden in the forest to the east of Lothering. It was about half a day's walk away, so her and her family generally lived off of the land. They would hunt for their meat and they would grow the fruit and vegetables that they needed. But, occasionally, they would need something they couldn't scrounge up, so one of them would trek to Lothering. They were very careful when they did, however, for they had to remain unnoticed; Bethany and Marian were both mages and apostates. Their father had been a mage as well and had escaped from the Circle of Magi in Kirkwall so that he could raise his family away from the templar's influence. There weren't many templars in Lothering, but they had to be careful not to draw their attention just the same.

Their father had died quite a few years back, so Marian had stepped up to try and take care of her mother and younger siblings. She was only fifteen, but that made her the oldest and she felt it was her duty. Carver had always been slightly jealous of Marian since he was the man of the house, but he was still in the mindset of a child and Marian was better capable at taking care of things. Her and her sister Bethany were very close, although they were complete opposites. Bethany was so proud of her gift of magic and had cultivated it and let it grow. She felt that she had to honor her father in that respect and she had grown into a very powerful healer.

Marian was more ashamed of her gift and did not use it often. She knew quite a few powerful destructive spells and her gift was more powerful than Bethany's, but the fact that they had to hide because of it made her think of it as a curse. Carver's attitude to her and magic also didn't help.

On this particular day Marian was trying to find a special fabric for her mother. It was her birthday in two days and Marian wanted to do something special, and a new fabric for a pretty dress would make her mother very pleased. It was a nice, sunny day and Marian was feeling pleased with herself. Seeing a cart carrying dresses and fabrics, she wandered over to see what they had.

_ Ah, that one right there,_ she thought to herself. It was a deep blue fabric with gold stars scattered across it. Touching it, it was the softest silk she had felt in a long time.

"How much for this?" Marian asked the woman behind the cart. The woman smiled at her and stepped over; she had dark grey hair and had wrinkles around her mouth that showed how often she smiled.

"Ah, one of my finest! Y'know, I once saw the Queen herself wearing a fabric just like this," the woman boasted, smiling proudly. "Now I couldn't let it go for less than a gold piece."

"Wooh...that's quite a price. But...ah, all right my lady, you have a deal," Marian responded, digging the solitary gold piece from her pocket. She dropped it into the woman's hand and the woman smiled and thanked her, handing the fabric over. Marian rubbed a hand over the fabric before stuffing it softly into her back and slinging it over her shoulder. She sighed and turned to head out but froze as she noticed that she was surrounded by men in armor; she counted four of them.

_ Shit! Shit shit shit, templars! _her mind screamed, and she froze, one hand on her backpack. One of the templars took a step closer to her, and she saw that the other three had their swords and shields out and had taken defensive stances.

"Apostate! By the order of the Chantry of the Divine and the Templar Order, I demand you submit and come with us. We must escort you to the Circle of Magi, and we would prefer to do this without incident. We will not be afraid to use force if we must," the templar said loudly. Out of the corner of Marian's eye should could see the villagers and merchants edging away from the small crowd. She tensed and crouched a little lower.

All Marian could think of was her family and how they needed her to survive. She couldn't allow these templars to take her, or she would never see them again. She couldn't stand the thought of being locked away in some prison of a tower. Marian began to pull her mana from deep within and let it grow powerful in her chest.

"I am sorry, dear man, but no templar will be taking me anywhere today," she said clearly, and she let out a blast of force, hoping to knock them off their feet. One went down and two were knocked to their knees, but the one that addressed her sprinted forward, swinging his shield. Marian ducked and summoned a blast of cold, spraying it over the templar. It caused his armor to freeze up momentarily, but he summoned his own magic that threw Marian backwards. The other templars came running and Marian began to panic; this time she took a deep breath and threw a ball of flame that made two of the templars dive sideways, and one hid behind his shield. Just as Marian tried to summon more mana, she felt a sickening feeling wash through her and found that she could not summon anything. The main templar marched towards her, his armor glowing blew, and she knew that this was her last chance.

Crying out in fear and panic she jumped to her feet and ran for it; her mana was gone, and what little she could do the templars would easily counter. A hand grasped her thick, auburn hair and jerked her backwards. She let out a shout of pain and tried to kick herself backwards but a hand wrapped around her waist.

"Help me!" one shouted.

"I'm trying!" another grunted.

Marian looked up into a pair of grey eyes as she struggled, and she was stunned to see that instead of hatred, they were filled with sadness and determination. She felt something hard and cold crack across her face and a wave of pain and nausea swept through her.

_I'm sorry..I'm so sorry..._

Her last thoughts were of her family as the darkness reared up and pulled her under.

* * *

It was cold, and she was laying on something very hard. Marian groaned as she rolled onto her side, holding her head in her hands. She opened her eyes a crack and all she could see was darkness. Slowly sitting up, Marian felt another wave of nausea sweep through her. The memory of what had happened to her, the battle with the templars, crashed through her mind with such force that she gasped and tears came to her eyes. Forcing them away, Marian tried to summon a small amount of magic, a small flame so she could see. It felt like there was a brick wall between her and her mana, and no matter how hard she battered against it she couldn't breech it.

Standing up slowly, leaning a hand against the cold wall to steady herself, she held her other hand in front of her, searching. Her fingers came in contact with bars, and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she found that she was in a small cell. There was barely enough light coming from way down the hallway the she could see the other cells that lined the halls.

_Oh god, I'm in the dungeons...at the Circle tower..._ Marian began to shake and she backed up to the far wall, sliding down onto and wrapping her arms around her knees. Her breathing became erratic as she gasped for breath, the walls seeming to press in around her. She dropped her head onto her arms and tried to slow her breathing.

After quite a few minutes of just Marian's breathing, she heard the scraping sound a door being opened. She saw a ray of light coming from down the hall and it bobbed closer and closer. She looked up and immediately looked away, shielding her eyes from the light.

"Aww...poor magey. All alone down here, aren't you?" a man's voice cackled, and as her eye's adjusted, Marian looked up to see a man in templar armor. He had greasy blonde hair and when he grinned she could see yellow, cracked teeth. Marian felt a wave of anger and panic, and she tensed as she sat and looked at him. There was another templar behind him but this one had his helmet on.

"Mm-hm...we could have some fun with this one, eh?" The ugly one laughed, nudging his buddy. The 2nd templar nodded, and ugly pulled a key out of his pocket to unlock her cell. Marian sat very still and watched warily as the ugly one edged into the cell, kneeling down in front of her.

"Now, here's the deal. We're gonna have some fun before they come for you...you don't give us no trouble, we won't give you too much trouble in return," ugly said, smiling lecherously as he looked her up and down. "Understand?"

Marian looked from him to the 2nd templar and nodded innocently. Just as the ugly one reached a hand out to her Marian jumped up, bringing her knee into the ugly templar's face. He cried out in agony and Marian leaped around him. She slammed heavily into the 2nd templar but he was heavier than she thought, and he simply grabbed her arms and spun her around. Marian let out the loudest scream she could muster, tears springing to her eyes.

"Please, please no! Please don't do this," she whimpered as the tears of fear and humiliation spilled across her cheeks.

"Stupid bitch! Now this isn't going to be pleasant for you!" the ugly templar spun on her, one hand wiping the blood that had been pouring from his nose. He slapped her hard across the face, and the templar holding her threw her face first down into the cell. Marian struggled mightily but felt a heavy body press down upon her. A fist grabbed her hair and slammed her head hard into the ground, and Marian's vision swam. She tried to shake her head sluggishly and cried out as she felt her pants being jerked down. She heaved one last time to try and shake the brute off of her and her head slammed once again into the ground. Marian could only be thankful as the darkness once again swallowed her, so she would not have to witness what brutal acts her body would be forced to endure.

* * *

Marian wasn't sure how long it was after that horrible night when they came for her. One of her eyes was swollen shut and she had bled for quite a while afterwards, both from her face and from her lower regions. She was sore all over and had rocked back and forth in a stupor the entire time.

When her cage finally opened again, she skittered back against the back wall, whimpering and hyperventilating. The light blinded her once again as a figure leaned down in front of her. An armored hand slowly reached out to her but she shied away from it, and the hand dropped.

"Can you hear me, miss? My name is Cullen," a deep, strong voice spoke softly. Marian looked up into the same grey eyes she remembered seeing when she got captured in the first place. She nodded slowly and the templar reached out again to hesitantly touch her face. Marian couldn't imagine how horrible she looked.

"I...I'm sorry for what happened to you," she heard him breathe softly, and she looked up in time to see genuine pain in his eyes. Tears welled up in Marian's eyes but she refused to let them flow over. Cullen stood and held out a hand to her to help her stand. Marian looked at it for a moment before taking it and pulling herself up. She wobbled and Cullen steadied her, helping her step out of the cellar.

"I've been instructed to retrieve you and get you cleaned up before being presented to the First Enchanter and Knight Commander," Cullen explained, looking sideways at her. Marian nodded, refusing to say a word.

_He might be a nice templar, but he is still one of my jailors..._she thought to herself. She hung her head as she followed the templar down numerous hallways and up flights of stairs. Marian was weak from lack of food and water and from the physical ordeal she had been through, and Cullen practically had to carry her the entire way. When Marian looked up again they were walking down a more lighted hallway that had carpets and pictures hanging on the walls. They entered a large room where Marian saw a short woman with cropped, white hair and a large tub filled with water. In the light, Marian finally got a look at the strangely kind templar; he had short, dirty blonde hair that was curly on his head. He had some stubble but for the most part was clean shaven.

"I will wait outside until you are ready," Cullen said, bowing slightly towards the woman, before he stepped outside and shut the door behind him.

Marian wavered on her feet and looked to the woman. She was shocked to see the sunburst symbol on the woman's forehead, but her attention was immediately diverted to the tray next to the tub; it had bread, cheese, a bowl of soup, and a large tub of water. Marian's mouth watered and she looked back at the woman.

"My name is Sereda; I am to help get you wash and get clean, and I have food and water here for you when we are done," the woman said in a calm, monotone voice that sent a chill up Marian's spine.

Marian couldn't help thinking that it was one of the finest baths she had ever had, but then again she hadn't ever been this dirty and filthy. At first it stung every wound she had, but it felt good to scrub all the dried blood off to reveal her normal skin underneath. The woman helped her scrub all the dirt off of her body and helped her wash her hair, getting the knots and tangles out of it.

"Your hair has a very unique color to it," the woman said calmly.

"Uh..t-thank you," she replied hesitantly. It was quite for a moment as the woman was combing through Marian's hair before she finally got up the gall to say something. "So...you're tranquil?"

"Yes I am," Sereda replied.

It was quite again as Sereda helped Marian out of the tub of water and helped her dry off with towels, and she even braided Marian's hair for her. When her skin was dry, Sereda unfolded a dark brown and gold colored robe which Marian slipped on over her head. It fit her quite comfortably and Sereda directed her towards the back of the room.

"I thought you might like to see yourself after your bath," the tranquil woman said, leaving Marian at the mirror and cleaning up the water off of the floor. Marian sucked in a breath as she looked herself up and down in the mirror. Her left eye was black and blue and very swollen; her iris was circled in blood and her eye was extremely bloodshot. She had a fat and split lip and her left cheek was a strange mixture of black, blue, and yellow. Overall she looked like she took quite a beating but Marian knew that she was healing up fairly well. Her mind tried to drift back to how she received the bruises and instantly shied away from the memory, attempting to shut it out. Her deep auburn braid hung to her waist and her olive eyes had a slight fog over them.

"Would you like to eat now?" Sereda asked, waving her hand towards the food. Marian nodded vigorously and it took all of her self control to not scarf the good down as fast as possible. The soup was somewhat bland and the bread was stale, but after not having eaten for three days it tasted like heaven to Marian. She almost choked on the water and stood for a minute with her eyes closed, savoring her somewhat full belly.

After a moment of silence, Marian opened her eyes to look at Sereda.

"Am...am I going to be made tranquil too?" Marian asked quietly.

The woman looked at her with empty eyes before responding. "I do not know. I was told only that I needed to help you get presentable for a meeting with the First Enchanter and Knight Commander. It is quite possible that you will be since you are an apostate."

Marian started to shake softly as she nodded, looking away. There was a knock on the door and a templar called through asking if she was ready, and the tranquil responded. The templar Cullen entered along with another templar that had a helmet on to escort her. Cullen nodded at Marian and she dropped her eyes, following quickly. She turned to get one last look at the woman, and Sereda met her eyes.

"It does not hurt," the woman said.

Marian stood quietly for a moment before she muttered "Thank you." The templar behind her prodded her forward and she followed Cullen out the door.


	2. Chapter 2-The Test

_(Yay, it's someone's favorite already! But yeah, thanks for reading! It probably seems like it's taking forever, but I like to be descriptive so yeah.. :-) )_

Marian followed Cullen up quite a few flights of stairs and down a lot of hallways. She was extremely turned around, but figured it didn't matter. There was no way she was going to get away from her templar escorts, and even if she could, she had no idea how to get out of this place. As they went on their way, Marian saw quite a few different mages; there were humans, elves, young and old. She even saw a few children. All of them would watch her go by with sad, resigned looks on their faces. Marian couldn't stand watching their pity for her so she simply turned her head down and followed the feet of the only nice templar in front of her.

She didn't realize when they reached their destination; she was lost in thought, not noticing that the templar Cullen in front of her had stopped on a flight of stairs in front of a huge door. She accidently bumped into him and Marian wavered, her foot slipping on one of the stair steps. The templar behind her snorted and stepped aside to let her fall, but Cullen's hand shot out and snatched Marian's arm, pulling her back onto the step. Marian caught his eyes for a moment before looking away.

"Sorry," she muttered, straightening herself.

She saw Cullen look over at the other templar. What was that in his eyes? Annoyance? Anger?

_I thought all templars hated mages,_ she thought. _Maybe he's just trying to suck up to me before they make me tranquil._

Cullen knocked on the big door and there was a moment of silence.

"Come in," they heard a slow, gravelly voice say. Cullen and the other templar pushed the heavy door open and they entered a large chamber with a high, domed ceiling.

Our whole house could fit in here twice...Marian thought to herself. As much as she tried not to, she couldn't help but admire the beautiful room. It had small stained glass windows at the top of the walls (far too high for her to try and jump out of, she noted) and she had never seen a ceiling so high.

In the center of the room was an old mage with shoulder length, disheveled gray hair. He was wearing old green robes and had a staff that looked like it had been carved from a very dark pine tree, and Marian assumed this was the First Enchanter.

_He sure doesn't look like much_, Marian thought. The old man had tired lines etched across his face and he had deep, dark bags under his eyes. Next to him was a very large man in templar armor; his helmet was tucked under his arm next to his body. As they drew closer Marian could see the hard creases in the templars face, and his eyes were hard as he looked Marian up and down.

_The Knight Commander..._great, Marian sighed to herself. Cullen took his stance a few feet away from them and Marian noticed that there were 5 templars total, including the two that had escorted her in. One of the other templars took his helmet off and Marian's stomach lurched sickeningly. It was the ugly templar, the one who had..who had...

_Stop it!_ Her mind ordered, forcing her to stop thinking about that horrible night. She was shaking slightly as she looked at the man, and he gave her a lecherous smile and a wink. Marian had to swallow a few times to keep from throwing up and she quickly looked away. The sudden realization of what was going to happen to her slapped her across the face and she started breathing erratically as she looked from what she assumed was the First Enchanter to the Knight Commander.

"Steady, child. We have brought you here to conduct you into the Circle of Magi. I understand you must be frightened, but this is the best for everyone," the First Enchanter spoke calmly, taking a small step towards her. "I am First Enchanter Irving, and this here is-"

"I am the Knight Commander," the man in templar interrupted, straightening so that he looked bigger and taller. As scared as she was, Marian couldn't help but feel a little bit amused at this big man, trying to intimidate her with his body size.

_Of all the things I'd be scared of, that sure wouldn't be my first choice_, Marian chuckled sadly to herself.

"I have been told that you were quite a handful to capture. Let me be clear; were it up to me, an apostate such as yourself would be made tranquil immediately," the Knight Commander said coldly, and Marian looked up in surprise. She wasn't going to be made tranquil? What did that mean?

"Gregor, there is no need to scare the poor girl further," Irving scolded, but his comment went unnoticed by the templar.

"However, my lead templar Sir Cullen," Marian looked at Cullen behind the Knight Commander and he gave her a small encouraging smile, "and the First Enchanter feel that course of action is unnecessary. So we will proceed to induct you into our Circle, and to start off we are going to put you through your Harrowing."

_Harrowing? I remember father mentioning something about that..._ Marian thought to herself. It was a distant memory, but she remembered her father saying something about how it was very difficult, and extremely nerve wracking. Something about how he couldn't sleep for a week afterwards.

The First Enchanter looked disgruntled as the three of them walked over to a pedestal. Marian's heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest. She was filled with unbridled excitement that she wasn't going to be made tranquil, but that was quickly overshadowed by the fact that she was going to be a prisoner in the Circle, watched every moment by templars.

_I'll never see my family again..._she thought sadly, and Marian felt a great pain in her chest as her heart broke. Unless she found some way, like her father, there would be no escape for her; and she was damn sure not as clever as her father was. Her mind flashed back through her precious memories; hunting with Carver; digging in the garden with mother; staying up late at night talking with Bethany; all of them hiding out in the main room during storms.

Marian was so concentrated on her memories that she didn't hear what the Knight Commander said to her. She looked up into his face and realized he had asked her something.

"Um, I-I'm sorry, what?" she stuttered out, and the Knight Commander gave a scowl.

"I said, how much do you know of Andraste and her decree over magic?" he asked grumpily, folding his arms over his chest.

"Well I know everything; I happened to have run my own form of Chantry for Apostates, just to teach us heathens why we shouldn't be heathens anymore." The words were out of her mouth before her brain had a chance to process what she said.

_Oh shit...did I really just say that?_ she silently scolded herself and clamped her mouth shut. There was a moment of hushed silence as the Knight Commander glared daggers at her. There were a couple of muffled chuckles that were quickly covered up by coughs from some of the surrounding templars, and Marian looked at her feet to avoid the angry gaze of the man.

"Andraste teaches that magic is meant to serve man, and to never rule over him," he preached, walking back and forth in front of her. "It is with this intent that we put you through the Harrowing; you will be pitted against a demon to see if your will is strong enough to resist. If you do resist then you will be fully welcomed into the Circle of Magi."

"It is a test that every Circle mage must go through," the First Enchanter explained, waving his arm towards the pedestal. Marian noticed for the first time that it seemed to be full of a bright blue glowing liquid.

_Lyrium..._she whispered musingly to herself. It looked so beautiful.

"You will be put into the fade, where you will have to face a demon to leave. Keep your wits about you, for the fade is full of many tricks," Irving told her encouragingly. Marian had been to the fade on occasion but she had never spent much time there; she had never had the need or want to, unlike Bethany.

"I'm sure the apostate can handle things herself, First Enchanter," the templar sneered.

Marian looked from the bowl to the First Enchanter. "What happens if I am not able to resist?" she asked.

"We will be forced to slay you," the Knight Commander stated, before the First Enchanter had a chance to say anything. Marian stole a glance around the room and say that Cullen's face had paled slightly, and lines of stress and...was that worry?...had appeared on his face.

Marian allowed herself to give one thought as to how this templar was very handsome, and to be grateful for how kind he had been to her, before she took a deep breath. After all, these may very well be the last moments of her life. She forced herself not to look at ugly as she stepped up to the bowl of lyrium. Marian was surprised that they were going to force her to do this so early; it seemed as though the Knight Commander just wanted an excuse to be rid of her.

_Maybe that would be best, _Marian thought with force. _That way they won't ever be able to get it out of me who I really am, and where my family is. No matter what, I have to protect Bethany. They will NOT get her like they got me._

"Good luck, child," the First Enchanter told her. Marian nodded at him and stretched her hand out over the bowl of lyrium. Blue mist wafted up and began circling around her arm, and she felt a trickle of power and excitement rush through her. There began a beautiful, haunting singing in her ears as the lyrium circled around her entire body, and she let out a content sigh as her the room in front of her, and all the people in it, disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3-Unexpected Meeting

_(Welp, here we are again! Yay for Chapter 3! I've decided to skip the Harrowing just because it doesn't seem that horribly interesting to me. In time I may go back and write it, but for now it just doesn't seem like it needs that much explaining. So, off we go!)_

Three years.

Marian Hawke sat in the corner of one of the numerous libraries of the tower, a large book open in front of her, although she wasn't paying much attention to it. Her hair was yet again in a braid; she kept it that way most of the time anymore, and her eyes were drifted up towards the ceiling, lost in thought.

It had been three long years since the unlucky events that had led to her being placed in the Circle. She had passed her Harrowing with flying colors, much to the shock of the Knight Commander. Marian had heard rumors that the First Enchanter had said her Harrowing was one of the smoothest he had ever seen. Since then she had excelled with her gift and she had made sure not to cause any more problems with the templars. Marian was convinced that, in order to keep her family safe, she needed to comply with the Circle and the templars rules, so her rebellious nature had diminished.

Of course, she hadn't told anyone her real name; she wasn't that stupid. Marian knew that if the templars found out she was a Hawke, they would try and get more information out of her as to the whereabouts of her family. So when they entered her information in their books, she had taken up the name Marie Nolen. Not even her fellow mages knew her real name.

She had been moved up from an apprentice quickly and now wore gold colored robes. Her quarters were shared with two others people, although they each had a wall that gave them privacy. Every now and then Marian had stumbled upon Ugly templar, who would grin and wink at her, and she would hurry on her way. In the three years that she had been there, she had only had one incident with the monster of a templar.

It had been a dark night and everyone was asleep in bed; there was only the usual creaks and groans of the tower to be heard. Marian had almost been asleep herself when she had heard a thud and heavy breathing, and there was suddenly a heavy weight on her. She had opened her mouth to scream, but a hand slammed down over her mouth. She tried to kick and buck the person off, but they were too heavy for her.

"Heh heh...boy, I've missed you so," she heard that familiar voice chuckle and her body froze in fear; this couldn't be happening again! "How about we have another round of fun?"

Marian had tensed and waited for Ugly to make his move but suddenly the weight of the man was gone. She heard an "oomph!" and a loud thump on the ground, and in the dark she could see another figure grab ugly by the scruff and drag him out of the room. Marian had never known who it was that had saved her that night, and ever since then Ugly had left her alone.

Marian had made very few friends in the circle, and most of the other mages steered clear of her; in their eyes a former apostate would draw more attention from the templars, and they didn't want to be watched any more closely than they already were.

In the three years, Marian had always been shadowed by one templar; Cullen. She didn't believe he was like the other templars, and he never gave her a hard time. Sometimes she thought of him as a guardian of sorts, and other times she thought that he was just ordered to keep an extra close eye on her since she was a former apostate. Whatever the reason, Marian would generally see him outside of her quarters at night, and he was usually the templar she would see when she was roaming the tower. They would exchange small talk every now and then but Marian refused to let herself get any closer to a templar than she had too, no matter how kind they were to her.

Her family was always at the front of her mind, and there were nights when she would curl up into a ball thinking about them, trying to smother the hole she felt in herself. The Circle wasn't as bad as she had been told, but that didn't make her hate it any less. She hated the templars, she hated the constant scrutiny, and she hated how all the other mages were perfectly happy being trapped as they were. Or at least they sure made it seem like they were.

Marian sighed and stood, shutting the book in front of her and putting it carefully back on the shelf she got it from. It had been a book with healing spells; try as she might, Marian had never been able to grasp the simple healing magic.

_I could use some air..._Marian thought to herself and she headed out of the library and down the hall. She could hear the voices of other mages in other rooms; some were training, some were just talking. A pair of templars came down the hall towards her and Marian stepped aside to let them pass. One of them gave her a cold look, so she stuck her tongue out at the templar and quickly went on her way before they could do anything.

_Simple pleasures_ she chuckled to herself.

"Marie! Marie!" a small voice chirped from one of the rooms she passed. A young girl, only about 8, and a young boy the same age came bounding into the hallway. Marian had never made friends but she had bonded quickly with the children of the tower; they seemed to look to her as their protector, and there were many days she could be found helping them study or read, or just playing simple games with them.

"Hey there, Sonya," Marian smiled, leaning down to swoop her up in a big hug. The girl squealed and jumped up and down when Marian put her back down, and Marian ruffled the young boy's hair, which made him giggle and jump away.

"Guess what? I cast a spell today! On PURPOSE!" Sonya trilled, almost shaking in excitement.

"She almost set a bookcase on fire," the young boy commented, and Sonya glared at him.

"Well I didn't MEAN too" she scowled, "I was just facing the wrong way."

Marian smiled at the two of them arguing. Another templar came down the hall and the two children immediately became quite and hid behind Marian until the armored figure had passed. Marian held them close for a moment before she smiled and knelt down.

"I'm so proud of you, Sonya! You'll be a spell master in no time," she said, lightly patting the girl's cheek. Sonya beamed and the young boy huffed and shuffled his feet, looking down.

"Ah, don't worry Tobias," Marian said, laying her hands on the boy's shoulders. "A lot of extremely talented mages don't come into their gift early."

The boy nodded but didn't seem convinced, so Marian lifted his chin with her hand, making him look in her eyes.

"Y'know, I heard a rumor that the First Enchanter himself couldn't cast spells until he was _ten_," Marian told Tobias quietly, looking around as if she was afraid someone would hear her.

"Really?" Tobias asked, perking up. "Oh wow, so I could be just like him!"

"That's right," Marian smiled. She patted them both on the head. "Now you two better get back to studying, or no more games for the week!"

The young children chattered away to themselves as they went back into the room they came out of, waving goodbye, and Marian continued up a flight of stairs.

* * *

There were very few windows to the tower, but Marian knew exactly where they were. She thought at first that the templars would guard the windows closely, in case of attempted escape, but when Marian saw how high up they were, she understood why they didn't. Even if a mage did try and use one of the windows to escape, there was no way that they would survive the fall, even if they used magic to try and slow their fall. The window she picked now was in a dining room of sorts; there were stone benches and a few tables with various books and ingredients on them. There was a templar at both of the doors, but other than that the room was empty.

Marian sighed and leaned on the windowsill, pushing the window open. It was so high up that Marian could barely see the ground beneath her, and she could see frosty mountains and hills in the distance. The lake below sparkled and shimmered in the sun and there was a slight fog that seeped across the water. She sighed and stretched out the window, her arms out in front of her and her belly pressing against the windowsill. Her mind drifted again to her family and if she would ever see them again, what they were doing now, if they were ok. She leaned forward subconsciously, looking down the tower towards the ground and let her feet pick up off the ground so that she was balancing on her stomach on the sill.

Just a few seconds after her feet came off of the ground Marian felt a strong hand clamp down on her ankle, pulling her back. She let out a startled gasp as another hand wrapped around her waist, dragging her back.

_It's that templar! _Panicked gripped her and she kicked backwards, knocking the two of them to the ground. She kicked and squirmed and was just about to let out a scream when a hand clamped down on her mouth.

"Hey, HEY! Stop it! I'm not going to hurt you!" an unfamiliar voice said. "Calm down!"

Marian stopped squirming, breathing heavily, and after a moment the hands released her. She scrambled quickly to her feet, straightening her robes, as she turned to meet her attacker.

Her breathe caught in her throat as she took in the handsome mage on the floor. He had beautiful sandy hair that was tied back in a ponytail, and she could see laugh lines etched into his face. His eyes held years of pain yet amusement, and they seemed to gaze right into her.

They stared at each other for a moment before the man got to his feet, brushing off his rump and straightening his clothes as well. He was almost a foot taller than she was and she took a step back.

Suddenly another figure marched into the room. Marian looked over and saw that it was the templar Cullen, and he looked almost angry.

"What's going on here? Is everything all right?" he demanded, looking dangerously at the man that had dragged Marian out of the window.

"Yes sir, my good templar! Simply trying to make new friends, of course!" the blond haired man said jokingly, giving a slight bow to the templar. Marian tried to hide a smirk, and Cullen looked at her as if to confirm that's all that was going on. Marian nodded to him and gave a small smile, and Cullen responded with his own small smile.

"Well...ok then," Cullen muttered, clearing his throat and giving the other man a glare, before he walked away from them to take up his post at the doorway next to one of the other templars.

Marian and the blonde man stared at each other for another moment before he smiled at her.

"How do you do, my dear lady?" he said, taking up her hand in his and giving it a small kiss. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Now, I know the Circle is bad, but certainly there have to be better ways to try and escape. That one would surely mess up this beautiful face, and we wouldn't want that, now would we?

Marian scoffed and pulled her hand out of his. "Yes, because me leaning out a window must certainly only mean I'm trying to kill myself. I can only imagine what you would have done if I'd climbed a ladder with a bit of rope."

The man laughed heartily. "Oh, beauty AND a sense of humor. I didn't think there was anyone in the tower with both! My name is Anders, sweet woman, and you would be..?"

Marian watched him warily for a moment before responding. "My name is Marie. It's a pleasure to meet you, Anders. And I do appreciate the thought behind trying to save me from my attempted suicide."

Anders smiled at her and puffed up his chest. "I'm always willing to save beautiful women from killing themselves! I guess I'll have to keep an eye on you to make sure you don't do it again, won't I?"

Marian could only laugh as her and Anders walked out of the room, Marian with a smile on her face that she hadn't had in a long time. Neither of them noticed the pained expression of one templar as he watched their backs retreating down the hallway, his eyes lingering on the auburn haired mage before he hid his emotions by sliding his helmet over his head.


	4. Chapter 4-The Chance

_(Thanks for reading! I'm so surprised how many people are reading guys are all awesome. Anyway, ok. I hope it doesn't seem too slow, but things will get a little more interesting here shortly. More characters you know and love/hate! )_

Almost a year passed in the Circle tower and Marian and Anders had built quite the friendship. He was always being watched closely by the templars since he had tried to escape so many times, but it didn't bother Marian in the least. She quite enjoyed hearing his tales of escaping, which ranged from making a break for it during swimming lessons to charming over a female templar who helped him. Anders tried not to talk about his last escape attempt which landed him in solitary confinement for a year. He always got a kind of haunted look on his face when he talked about it so Marian was always quick to change the subject.

They had swapped life stories (for the most part) and it had taken all the power Anders had had to finally get Marian's story of how she got into the Circle from her. She had refused to go into detail about that horrible night in the cell with the templar so long ago, but it hadn't been hard for Anders to guess what had happened. Anders hated the Circle and the templars far more than even Marian did, so they made a good pair together.

Anders was always laughing, always joking and it did Marian's heart good being around him. His rambunctious attitude even made Marian a little bit more open with the other mages and she started to make friends other than Anders as well. There was Jowan, a clumsy mage who didn't seem like he would ever come into his gift; Niall, a somewhat older mage who preferred to spend most of his time by himself (an isolationist, he called himself); and then there was the human mage, Solona. When Marian had first been introduced to Solona she had been shocked to find that Solona's last name was Amell, which was Marian's mother's maiden name. Were they related? Was it possible that Solona was her cousin? Marian's mother hadn't talked much about her side of the family; they had wanted nothing to do with them when her mother ran off with her father.

Marian wanted so desperately to ask Solona about her family but she was afraid to attract attention to who she really was and Solona seemed very loyal to the Circle; in fact, she seemed to be one of the favorites both with the senior enchanters and even the templars. Solona even appeared to have made friends with the templar Cullen. Her and Marian would sometimes sit and gossip over the gentle and handsome templar, and they had quite a bit of fun talking about him when he was within earshot, just so that they could see him blush and pretend not to have heard them.

Marian was afraid that if she told Solona that she was indeed a Hawke, then word might get out and the templars would bring her in for questioning. Marian's father was, after all, a wanted apostate that the Circle assumed was still alive and on the run, and she didn't want to risk her family being hunted.

As much as the friends had helped, Marian still couldn't fit in the Circle. Where her friends and most the other mages were perfectly content in their confinement, Marian still felt suffocated. The eyes of the templars weighed down on her shoulders with more force every day, it seemed, and the idea of missing her two younger siblings growing older made her lie awake at night wondering how they were faring without her.

It was late one night and a storm was wracking the tower; thunder echoed down the corridors and it seemed as if the whole tower was waving in the wind. Marian was sitting in a dark corner with a light wisp bobbing over her journal so she could see. Her head was resting in her hands, propped up on the table, as a few quiet tears streamed down her face and dripped onto the paper with a soft "blip".

_It's been so long...too long. If I could just see them one more time..._she thought to herself, her heart wrenching in her chest. Being around Solona had made Marian miss her family even more, because Solona was so similar to her sister Bethany. It was nice having a friend but she just wasn't the same as Bethany, and it nagged at Marian every day that she couldn't ask Solona about her family.

A silent sob wracked Marian's body and she slammed her hands down on the table. It was cold in the tower because of the storm and suddenly there were warm hands on hers.

"Hey, Mar? What's wrong?" she heard Ander's say. Marian shook her head, unable to speak, and instantly she felt his strong yet gentle arms pull her in to a hug.

"Hey, hey, it's ok..." Ander's soothed, softly rocking her back and forth and she sobbed into his chest.

"I miss my family...I never wanted to be here, I just want out! I'm t-tired of hiding, I'm tired of pretending I'm s-someone I'm not!' Marian stuttered, her breath coming in gasps. She felt like all the pain and anger over the last few years was trying to batter its way out of her and she could only let it flow. Anders continued to hold her and rock her, muttering soothing words as she cried and shook against him.

When the tears finally stopped and Marian was able to breathe again, she pulled away from Anders and wiped her face self-consciously.

"Um...I'm sorry, Anders. I don't know what came over me," she tried to chuckle as she looked up at him. She could see worry and sadness in his eyes as he sat across from her. A templar marched past them and it was quiet for a moment as they watched him go.

"Thank you," Marian said, sighing, and Anders gave her one of his best smiles.

"That's what I'm here for, my lady! I'm always willing to let beautiful women cry themselves out on my chest; besides, it conserves body heat," he joked and Marian laughed softly. Anders smile slowly slipped from his face as he looked at her seriously.

"What are you hiding?" Anders asked her, and Marian felt her control slipping as she looked into his eyes. After a moment she took a deep breath.

"My name isn't Marie; it's Marian. Marian Hawke. My mother's name is Amell," she explained quietly, looking around for anyone that might hear; there wasn't anyone close enough. Anders' eyebrows raised as he listened to her. "One of the mages, Solona, in this tower, is actually my cousin. But the entire time I've been here I have been hiding who I am, because I'm afraid that if the templars find out my real name they will try and pry information as to my family's whereabouts out of me. My father is a wanted apostate and escape from the circle in the Free Marches."

It felt so good to get the weight off of her chest and she sagged slightly when she finished talking. Anders and Marian simply stared at each other for a while and Marian began to worry that maybe Anders would be upset that she lied to him. She saw pity, worry, anger, and sadness flash through his eyes. But suddenly Anders broke into a sly grin and he slapped the table with a hand.

"Ha! I _knew_ there was something off about you! I'm glad it was something simple and not, you know, something like 'Oh, I'm secretly an abomination!' or 'I like to slaughter kittens with my bare hands!' " he laughed, leaning back in his chair. Marian couldn't help but burst into laughter and they both laughed for a minute.

Anders suddenly leaned forward, his eyes bright with determination, so Marian leaned forward as well.

"What if I told you that I could get us out of here?" he whispered fiercely and Marian's eyes widened in shock.

"But how? The templars keep such a close watch, and the only physical way out is to jump out of the tower," Marian responded, shaking her head.

Anders looked around and leaned even closer. "There are ways; I have found them. I can't say more for both of our safety, but what if I could help you escape too?"

Marian stared at his fierce determination with a feeling of sadness. "Anders...you know I want out of here, so desperately. But look how many times you've escaped, and they've caught you every time. You have no family to protect, but I do. I...I can't risk them finding out about my family."

Anders sat back, his eyes filled with...anger? Sadness? "Please, Marian. I promise I know a way. I can help you," he pleaded with her.

Marian rubbed her hand over her face as she looked at him before she shook her head sadly.

"I'm sorry, Anders. I can't bring the wrath of the templars down on my family," she whispered, looking down at the table.

It was quiet for a moment and Anders sighed. He stood suddenly and walked over to her.

"Well my dear lady Marian...it has truly been an honor knowing you," he said sadly as he leaned down towards her. "I truly hope we meet again."

"Wha-" Marian began but suddenly Anders had leaned down and pressed his soft lips to hers, his hand gripping the hair at the back of her neck. His strong, musky scent washed over her and her eyes closed as she lost herself to the kiss. In an instant it was over and Anders was walking away; Marian sat dumbfounded in her chair, her fingers tracing her lips where they tingled from his touch.

_What was THAT all about?_ she wondered to herself, shaking her head to try and clear the fog that had settled. But then again, over the past year Marian had witnessed that Anders was somewhat of a ladies' man, so it shouldn't have come as such a surprise.

_Actually, I should be surprised he didn't try that sooner_ she laughed to herself as she continued writing in her journal.

* * *

It was a few days after that kiss that Anders disappeared completely. At first Marian wondered if maybe he was just too busy; the tower was a large place, after all, and it was easy to go days without seeing someone. But when a few weeks passed and there was still no sign of him, Marian began to get uneasy. Had he tried to escape again? Had the templars finally decided he was too much trouble and made him tranquil? Or...killed him? As time went by her thoughts became more and more farfetched until she was just a balled up knot of worry.

None of the other Mages seemed to have know where he went; most of them didn't even know who Anders was. Jowan was too busy worrying about his own problems, the First Enchanter refused to talk about it, Solona was busy training because she thought anytime she would be called for her Harrowing, and Marian didn't dare ask the templars because they would probably throw her in a cell just for asking.

_Wait...there's one who won't_ ! The realization hit her and she scrambled down the hallway at a brisk pace, searching the templars for the one she wanted. It seemed like every templar had their helmet on today! Finally, outside one of the libraries that Marian usually frequented, she found him, and Cullen straightened as she approached.

"Good day," Cullen said, bowing his head just slightly to her.

"Hello, Cullen," Marian asked, suddenly feeling slightly bashful. She had never known how to address Cullen, since he was the only nice templar in the blasted place. "Um..I have a question I'd like to ask..."

Cullen looked at her questioningly, so Marian continued.

"I was wondering if...well, if you maybe knew...one of the other mages, his name is Anders, he went missing."

Cullen's face twitched lightly and he let out a small huff of air.

"I am not very familiar with that particular mage. And besides, you know I am not at liberty to tell you things like that," he answered, scratching the back of his head nervously.

Marian put her hands behind her back and scuffed the floor with the tip of her shoe.

"Can't you at least tell me where he is? If he is ok? If he's...been made tranquil, or...if he's dead?" she pleaded and when she looked back up at him, she saw Cullen looking at her with an exasperated look. After a moment he cleared his throat as another templar walked by.

"I'm sorry, but I cannot divulge that kind of information," he said firmly, and Marian nodded. She had hoped that maybe Cullen would let at least something slip, but she shouldn't have. He had to do his job, after all. As Marian began to walk away she heard Cullen swear lightly under his breath.

"Marian?" he called out and she turned back to look at him in shock. _How does he know my real name?_ she thought to herself and her mind reeled back through her memories, trying to figure out when he could have eavesdropped on her. The only person she had ever told was Anders.

"Mages occasionally find ways out of the tower. The templars are then forced to hunt them down, for their safety and for the safety of others. But I personally wouldn't think that your mage friend is dead," Cullen stated and he raised his eyebrows as he looked at her, as if trying to get a message across.

Marian smiled and mouthed "thank you" and Cullen gave her a breathtaking smile of his own. The weight of stress and worry on her chest was replaced with hurt as she realized that Anders had escaped. She realization that his offer may have been her only chance to escape as well, and she had passed it up.

_I guess, no matter what everyone says, there are good templars every now and then, _she thought with a smile as she walked away.

_(Ok, the next few chapters might be a little bit of time in waiting. It's hunting season! :-D So I'll work on them when I have time!)_


	5. Chapter 5-The Final Escape

(Ok here it is! Sorry it has taken so long but hey, I got my deer! :-D Yay for meat in the fridge! Anyway thanks for reading and I'll try and get the next chapter up soon, I hope you enjoy this one!)

"There is no way that we are going to get out of here unnoticed."

Marian heard Solona's voice from next to her as she led her party down the dark, cold hallway into the phylactery room. Behind her was their friend, Jowan, and his apparent lover and chantry initiate, Lily.

_I can't believe I agreed to this..._ she thought to herself. "Maybe we'll get lucky," she said out loud and Solona merely shrugged.

Solona had come to her a couple of nights ago in an almost panic, begging for her help. Jowan had finally admitted to Solona that he was in love with Lily, one of the numerous Chantry initiates in the tower. Lily had heard from a supposedly reliable source that the templars were planning on making Jowan tranquil, and they had come up with a plan to escape; they needed help to break into the lower parts of the tower to get into the phylactery chamber so that they could destroy Jowan's phylactery. Then Jowan and Lily would be able to run away together.

Marian knew from the start that it was a bad idea but she was eager to help them in hopes that maybe, just maybe, they would find her phylactery as well. If she was able to destroy hers as well then maybe she would have a chance if she was ever able to escape herself. So Marian had agreed to help Solona, Jowan, and Lily on the agreement that if they found her phylactery with Jowan's that they would destroy hers also. Jowan had been ecstatic for the help and support and Lily had beamed at him. Solona had been very hesitant at first but the lure of being able to be free of the tracking of the templars had her excited as well.

_Foolish love..._ Marian sighed as they walked up the stairs towards the many shelves of dark red vials.

"Let's just do it fast and get out of here," Jowan breathed behind her. It had been an interesting trip down through the chambers; the trouble getting inside, the sentinels attacking them, then the strange tevinter statue. No wonder they weren't allowed down this low; they had all sorts of magic objects hidden away down here. They had even come across a staff that Solona had been drawn too, but Marian had steered her away from it. Something about it had made Marian very wary of it and she didn't want Solona to get hurt by something down here.

Marian was in awe as she looked up at all of the vials of blood, shelf after shelf. How ironic that the templars hated blood magic so, and yet they didn't hesitate to use it themselves to track down the mages that they feared would use it!

As they came upon a small table with more vials, two of them started to glow a deep, menacing red. Marian felt almost a tugging sensation towards the larger one and she knew that it was hers. She reached out and picked it up carefully, staring blankly into it's contents. Jowan reached around her and picked up his as well.

"My phylactery! We found it! I can't believe this is all that stands between me and my freedom," he exclaimed with joy. "So fragile, so easy to end its hold over me." Jowan took a deep breath and he let go of the vial; it dropped to the floor and shattered, the glow instantly disappearing.

Jowan stood silently for a moment before he muttered "...and I am free."

Marian smiled at him and she threw her arm forward, propelling her phylactery into the wall across from them. It shattered and her blood smeared the wall. Marian felt a pronounced feeling of joy and she let out a short laugh. So many years and now they would have no way to track her if she escaped.

Solona looked solemnly around and Marian realized that Solona's phylactery wasn't here; none of the others were glowing. Marian put a hand on Solona's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said softly and Solona looked up at her with a wry smile.

"It's ok. I knew mine wouldn't be here," Solona explained and Marian looked at her with surprise. "They moved mine to the holding in Denerim when I passed my Harrowing."

Jowan looked at her with the same look of surprise.

"Then...why did you agree to help us?" Lily asked, watching Solona warily. Solona looked from Jowan to Lily before a loving smile came to her face.

"How could I say no to love?" Solona said and they all laughed for a minute in the dark, cold chamber.

"Well, we better get a move on," Marian finally said, and they all marched down the stairs back towards the exit. "Let's pray to the Maker that none of the templars have been alerted to our presence down here."

* * *

_Oohhh, this is bad..._

They stood surrounded by templars, the First Enchanter and the Knight Commander in front of them. Gregor was ranting and raving to the First Enchanter about how his 'star pupil' betrayed them and Solona lowered her head in guilt. Marian was so afraid that she wasn't paying attention as closely as she should have been; all the voices she heard seemed jumbled, and all she could think about is what they were going to do to them.

The next thing she knew, Jowan screamed "No! I won't let you touch her!" and Marian watched as Jowan took out a sickly looking knife and stabbed himself in the hand with it. His blood seemed to rise and swirl around him and the warmth in the air felt as though it had been sucked out. Someone screamed and Marian saw Lily and Solona dive out of the way. Marian screamed "Jowan! NO!" and templars rushed in on Jowan. There was a sudden impact in the air with enough force that it knocked everyone in the room off their feet and Marian's breathe was knocked from her as her head cracked the floor.

_No! Jowan, a blood mage? This can't be right!_ her mind screamed dizzily, and she heard Lily cry "Get away from me, blood mage, I don't know you!" As Jowan rushed past them, Marian caught his eyes; they were blood red and he looked like a demon, but she could see tears streaming down his face. Marian groaned and got to her knees, holding her head in her hands.

"Are you okay?" she heard Solona ask and she was helped to her feet. All Marian could do was look at Solona silently, and Solona looked back at her with the same shocked, fearful look on her face.

"A blood mage! If we had done things my way, this wouldn't have happened!" Marian heard the Knight Commander shouting and her and Solona stood together as they watched everyone get to their feet.

"And you two! You helped a blood mage to escape!" the Knight Commander yelled, stepping closer to them in anger.

"We had no idea he was a blood mage," Marian stammered, but she knew it would do no good. She could see the First Enchanter shaking his head sadly.

"You should have told us what was going on, child. And you, Solona...how could you not say something?" the First Enchanter scolded and Solona could only shake her head, her mouth opening and closing as though she wanted to say something but nothing would come out. Marian looked around at the other templars and spotted Cullen standing in the back. When she caught his eye she could see confusion and anger flashing across his face. She tried to keep his gaze but he looked away suddenly and Marian dropped her own gaze to the floor sadly.

"I DEMAND punishment for this!" the Knight Commander screamed, rounding on the First Enchanter, and Marian felt the blood drain from her face. The only possibly punishment for helping a blood mage was either death, or the Rite of Tranquility; there was no way out of this one.

"Excuse me, First Enchanter, Knight Commander," Marian heard a voice say, and a man stepped in from behind the crowd of templars. He was older and tall, a stocky build, with dark black hair tied back in a ponytail and a black beard and mustache. He was wearing a tunic with a griffon on it and carried two daggers at his belt.

"What is it, Duncan? I have no time to deal with Grey Warden matters right now!" the Knight Commander snapped and Marian looked in awe at the man. _A Grey Warden, here, in the tower? What in the Maker for?_ she thought to herself and looked at Solona questioningly. Solona just shrugged at her and looked back at the exchange happening, her face white with worry.

"I am not just looking for mages to help in the fight, but I am also looking for possible recruits for the Grey Wardens," Duncan explained calmly. "Two mages would be very valuable in times like this; and it is a rare person that drops everything to aid a friend."

The First Enchanter sagged with relief and opened his mouth to say something, but the Knight Commander beat him to it.

"NO! I will not allow this! These two willingly helped a blood mage escape, and I demand JUSTICE!" he roared.

"Then I invoke the right of conscription," Duncan stated, staring at the Knight Commander fiercely. "I hereby take these two mages under my wing to be possible recruits for the Grey Wardens. Unless, of course, they would rather stay and face their punishment." Duncan added the last part as he looked over at Marian and Solona.

Marian couldn't speak for a moment and she looked at Solona; she was looking at Marian with a look that said _is he serious?_ Marian looked back at Duncan.

"Can you really do that?" she asked stupidly and she could have sworn she saw Duncan's lip twitch as if he was hiding a smile. He nodded and Marian saw Gregor's face turn a bright red. Marian felt the worry and fear ease off of her chest and she looked at Solona, this time with a small relieved smile.

"Well, I'm in, for sure. I gladly accept your offer," Marian said breathlessly.

"I do as well," Solona piped in and Duncan nodded with satisfaction.

"Come, then. We are headed for Ostagar, where the King and his army wait," Duncan said, holding a hand out in front of him to invite them forward. Marian rushed forward, ducking away from the Knight Commander who looked as if he was about to explode, and Solona followed closely behind. She stopped in front of the First Enchanter.

"First Enchanter, I am...so sorry..." Solona stammered, looking at her feet, and Irving laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"It is all right, my dear. Be brave; your path will be far more difficult now than it would have been if you stayed," Irving said softly. He looked over at Marian and added "You as well, dear. Have strength."

Marian nodded at him, feeling an almost sad feeling; he had always been nice to her, even if he had been the lead jailor of the tower.

_But hey, at least I'm out finally!_ she thought to herself, and her heart felt more buoyant than it had since before she had entered that retched tower. As Marian followed behind Duncan and Solona towards the entrance of the tower, she looked back at the others. Catching Cullen's gaze one last time with a pang of guilt she mouthed _I'm sorry_, and he shook his head slightly and looked away. The Knight Commander looked at her with rage and, just as they were stepping out, Marian stuck her tongue out at him with a wicked grin before letting the large door shut loudly behind her.

* * *

_Darkness...screaming, shouting...searing pain, warmth gushing down, a flashing light, RUN GO GO!_

Marian jerked upright with a gasp, panting as she looked around. It was dark with only a little light from what appeared to dawn slowly creeping up on the land. Marian's head throbbed and she gasped as she felt a searing pain in her shoulder; looking down, she saw a large gash with dried blood that stretched from her neck to her collar bone. Her mind was moving sluggishly and for a while she couldn't quite remember where she was or what had happened. As she slowly and carefully got to her feet, flashes came back to her.

They had been on their way to Ostagar with the Grey Warden Duncan and a couple of other Grey Wardens. There must have been five of them total, including Marian and Solona. Duncan had told them that they were almost halfway there and they had set up camp for the evening.

Marian flinched as she took a few steps, looking around her for any sign of the others. All she could see were bodies of dark, grisly, sick creatures with a darkness oozing out of their bodies.

_Darkspawn..._ she remembered.

Duncan had been able to give them little warning and everyone had just barely gotten settled when they had been attacked. Marian and Solona had at first been able to hold most of the creatures back with their magic, but in no time they were being overrun. Marian watched one of the Grey Wardens fall before she had summoned as much of her mana as she could muster. Marian let it grow and fester until she could stand it no longer; she screamed in pain as she unleashed her power and the entire clearing around them lit up with lightning as they creatures around them were fried and dropped to the ground. Marian had enough time to grab Solona and throw her towards the other Grey Wardens and tell them to run, she would hold them off, before another wave hit. Marian heard Solona crying and yelling for her and Marian screamed "GO!" as she focused her magic once again on the incoming horde.

Marian didn't even know for sure if they had run like she asked them to, but she fought even so. A few of the darkspawn had gotten close enough to her to injure her but she kept fighting until, finally, there were no more left. Marian had been so exhausted and in so much pain that she had simply passed out where she stood.

Looking around now, Marian could only find the bodies of darkspawn and the one Grey Warden who had been killed. The worry and tension left her heart as she realized that Duncan must have dragged Solona with him and that they must have gotten away in time; her diversion had worked. Marian smiled as she began to walk away from the piles of dead bodies. Her entire body ached and hurt, but she didn't want to be around that massacre. It didn't take her too long until she came upon a very small creek. Marian groaned as she lowered herself to the ground next to the water and she pulled her clothes away from the wound on her shoulder.

Marian tore a part of her robe off at the bottom and dipped it into the cool, crisp water. She began to softly and carefully clean around the wound, getting the dried blood and dirt away from it.

_I really need to get better at healing..._she grumbled to herself as she summoned what little mana she still had, attempting to knit the flesh of her wound back together. It didn't do much but it closed the wound enough that Marian wasn't worried about it getting infect; it now looked like it was almost a week old wound instead of fresh. Marian used her reflection in the water to smooth her auburn hair down, raking her fingers through her hair to get the knots out and finally tying it back into a new braid. Then she used her cupped hands to slurp the lovely cool water, sating the thirst she hadn't even realized she had been feeling.

As she stood and began to wonder which way the others had gone and how long it would take to catch up to them, the realization hit her almost hard enough to knock her off her feet. As she looked around, some part of her recognized the area. She could faintly remember hunting and gathering berries, and that this had been as far as she was supposed to go; never go past the creek, that was the rule.

Marian began to breathe heavily as she put the pieces together. She no longer had a phylactery; she had destroyed it along with Jowan. And for all the Circle knew, she was a Grey Warden and allowed to be out of the tower. The Grey Wardens would assume that she had died fighting, allowing the others the chance to escape.

"I can go home..." Marian said out loud to herself, quietly. Then, as the idea finally settled, Marian broke into a huge smile and began laughing heartily.

"I CAN GO HOME!" she yelled in delight, throwing her hands up in the air and dancing with happiness and scaring birds nearby, causing them to burst into the air. Marian felt as though she was flying herself, flying with happiness, and she scrambled across the creek, immediately looking for the landmarks that would lead her home. It may have been years since she had been here, but there was no way she had forgotten. She marched along, singing happily to herself, tears of joy streaming down her face as she thought that, finally, she was able to go home.


End file.
